


XII. Resistance

by causeimdifferent



Series: Wanted [12]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Love, Love Triangle, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-11
Updated: 2014-07-11
Packaged: 2018-02-08 10:14:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1937013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/causeimdifferent/pseuds/causeimdifferent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jimmy tries to ignore Thomas.</p><p>Thomas tries to ignore Philip.</p><p>They really, really try.</p><p>And then there is Philip, begging.</p>
            </blockquote>





	XII. Resistance

 

The death glare has disappeared.

  
Now Jimmy pretends, Thomas has turned invisible.

  
By looking through him.  
  
  
Or around him.

  
Jimmy has stopped smoking in the yard.

  
No more cards.

  
Thomas’s eyes are rolling hard on the inside at all of this.

  
But in a way he’s grateful for the break.

  
He needs some time to himself, too. To get sorted again.

 

So far he hasn’t been very successful.

  
Philip keeps sending letters – two already since they’ve last met.

  
Thomas thought about throwing them away unopened.

  
Then he read the first one.

  
It brought tears to his eyes.

  
Pushing all the right buttons with kindness.

  
Jimmy was right.

  
There is so much more between Philip and him than intense physical attraction.

  
Always was.

  
Better perhaps to fight it. For Jimmy’s sake. And his own.

_  
At least try._

 

Thomas manages not to read the second letter.

  
But he can’t bring himself to burn it.

  
He puts both letters in the farthest corner of his wardrobe.

  
Hoping he might forget about them. Eventually.

 

Thomas stares at himself in the tiny mirror in his room.

  
The exact same mirror he looked into all those years ago, before his very first date with Philip.

  
Making sure he looked dashing. Irresistible.

  
And for a moment he wishes for a second chance for the two of them.

  
So much so, his throat hurts with the tears he's refusing to cry.

 

 

Still Thomas manages to keep ignoring Philip’s letters.

  
Even the third one, arriving three days later.

  
“Seems you’re mighty popular these days, Mr. Barrow”, Mr. Carson can’t refrain from commenting.

  
And Jimmy snorts behind his back.

 

  
“So, have you done it with him yet?” is the first personal thing Jimmy says after an entire week of disdain.

  
He looks a tad hollow-eyed, his cheekbones appear more pronounced.

  
Thomas lights himself a cigarette.

  
“Talking to me again, eh?”

  
He has smoked less those past days. Smoking alone makes him think.

  
A bit too much. His thoughts have been driving Thomas quite nuts recently.

  
Jimmy shrugs. “Can I have one?”

_  
Ah, and smoking with me again, eh?_

  
Thomas hands him his own and Jimmy takes it, after looking over his shoulder to make sure no one would see.

  
“You haven’t been out lately.”

  
“So there you got the answer to your question”, Thomas says and gets himself another cigarette.

  
“Why not?”

  
“Just so.”

  
“He’s bombarding you with letters.”

  
“He is.”

  
“Don’t you want to anymore?” Jimmy asks, hope in his voice.

  
Unable to give Jimmy – nor himself – an honest reply, Thomas looks away.

  
They smoke in silence.

  
Thomas feels as lost as Jimmy looks beneath his snotty façade.

 

  
“I believe it’s kind of … tough for you to … well, come to terms with, you know, liking men”, he manages at last, desperately wanting to say something comforting.

  
“I don’t. Except for you, remember?” Jimmy’s voice is so weak, Thomas hardly understands it.

_  
Oh, why don't you give it up at last?_

  
“Well, then let me offer you a good piece of advice: Sod the exceptions. It makes your life way less complicated, trust me.”

  
Jimmy glances at Thomas, as if he’s about to cry.

  
“I’ve tried to, Thomas. Ever since I came up to see you after the beating. That’s when it all started. I’ve really, really tried. But it would not go away.”

  
Now Thomas wants to take Jimmy in his arms and just hold him.

  
Instead he curses the world for not being a safe enough place to simply do it.

  
Perhaps tonight, in his room.

 

“Jimmy, would you …” Thomas begins, but right that instant Mr. Carson’s voice sounds through the yard:

  
“Mr. Barrow.”

  
The Butler looms in the doorframe, wearing a bewildered expression.

  
Thomas walks up to him, praying that this is not about Jimmy and him.

 

“There is someone who wants to see you. A Mr. Abagnale.”

  
“Never heard of him in my life”, Thomas mutters, as he follows Carson inside.

  
“Well …” Carson makes a telling pause, “ … that’s what he _said_ his name was.”

  
“Mr. Abagnale?” Thomas calls out to the back of the man waiting on the sidewalk as he walks down the stairs in front of the house. Even though he knew the very instant he laid eyes on him, that this is nothing but a cover name.

 

“Philip, what in God's name are you doing here?”

  
Philip smiles his irresistible smile and draws Thomas close. In broad daylight.

  
“Are you mad?” Thomas pushes him away. “Carson is probably standing right behind the window, watching.”

  
Philip lifts his hands: “Sorry, sorry”, he says, startled, fearful almost.

  
“Do you really believe, using a false name is enough not to get recognized? What … what is this all about?”

  
“Well … you, Thomas”, Philip says with a helpless laugh.

  
“I don’t reply to your letters, what do you think that means?”

  
Thomas’s stomach contracts at his own words.

  
“Please, Thomas.” Philip whispers. “I need to see you before the season is over.”

  
His eyes are pleading.

  
“Please, Thomas. Give me a chance.”

  
His voice is raw with honesty.

  
And Thomas finds him ravishingly beautiful.


End file.
